Kevin's Stories

I had emailed some friends some stories that I have experienced with Kaylee and my  wife loved them.  She asked that I post them on the blog since she laughed so hard.  I guess it depends what end of the story you are on.  Looking back I guess they are funny; however, at the time they were quite stressful.  To set the stage you need to know that my experience with kids is.......well, there is no experience.  I have never changes a diaper, burped a child, or even fed a child.  Getting Kaylee has been awesome but with a huge learning curve.  Some of the learning curve has not been pleasant and one may even say shocking to say the least.

Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2010

Just thought I would let you know that we have had Kaylee for 2.5 days and she just FILLED her pants.  I was playing with her and her face turned red and the grunts began.  I looked at Kelly and said WTF and Kelly informed me what was going on.  Kaylee's face was red and she  had beads of sweat on her forehead and.....the odor began to permeate the room.  I opened doors and windows because the room was quickly becoming uninhabitable.  Kelly said "I changed the first one so it is now your turn", I looked at her with loving eyes and said, "I'm still not ready especially for this pant filler".  So.....I wimped out but you should have smelled what the Kaylee was cooking.  OMG, I can't believe something that small can shit so much and it stink so much!  Hopefully the "plug is out" and we will have better poops(no such thing I know) but at least a notch down would be better.  Kelly told me it was a 3 wipe blow out.  I hope I never get to know what that means.

Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2010

My luck ran out today in regards to dirty diapers.  We had just gotten up from a nap when the coordinator called and asked that we review the docs for Kaylee's VISA and passport.  Kelly said there was no need for me to go so she left me with Kaylee.  Kaylee was sitting on top of my stomach laughing and playing with her stacking cups when all of a sudden she started crying.  Just so you know, Kelly had not been out the door more than two minutes.  I picked her up to walk her around the room and the grunts began. I'm thinking "dear GOD in heaven, please don't let this happen to me.  God had different plans and the odor began.  I kept thinking OMG, OMG, OMG!  I sprung into action to get the wipes and diaper.  My mind went to shit as the baby cried because I was so distracted.  I finally found the diapers, which were in the first place I looked but with the baby crying and the fumes watering my eyes....well, I was just distracted.  I got the diaper off and just went Holy shit(no pun intended) and repeated that in my head as I looked at the "pearl" left in her diaper.  Luckily it was just a pearl and not a wave of poo.  She then smiled the whole time as I wiped her dirty but and other stuff which was horrible.  I then proceeded to put the diaper on and it proceeded to come undone as I was putting her clothes back on.  I  it on the correct area...I guess and then put her pants on to find I forgot to button the shirt thing.  Then Kaylee started to cry which put my mind back at shit.  She wiggled all over the place as I tried to button the shirt.  I then got the pants on and of course her legs got caught.  I pulled them off and two legs went into one hole.  I'm thinking OMG these must be magical pants.  Finally I got the pants on.  Kelly walked in shortly and said what's that smell?  I said "Armageddon" and then told her Kaylee had cooked a surprise and the timing was perfect.  Kelly laughed...still not sure what was funny but at least one dirty diaper is under me